After dossing on their living room couch for almost a year, embassy officials are describing Assange as the worst houseguest ever.
‘Most mornings he walks around unshaven with his housecoat open until about midday. He keeps saying he’ll sort something out with Sweden, but then later we see him on the computer self-googling’ said one official.
‘Plus he leaves used tea bags in the sink and bangs on and on about how America is an empire in decline. He’s really getting on my tits.’
Another told us that Assange plays Kraftwerk repeatedly and keeps talking out loud during The Voice.
‘Can’t we stick a fake beard and hat on him, then toss him out the back door? We’re not his parents, for God’s sake. And when was the last time he got the teas in?’