A wild brawl erupted at the Ham and Fist Hotel in Melbourne last Friday night, resulting in 15 reported injuries and damage to private property, confirm police.

The incident was sparked when a man aged between 30-35 years asked if ‘roasted kumquat and celeriac’ were available.

Other patrons of the pub showed their disapproval by making small huffing sounds, like baby whales spouting water.

Tensions then spilled over when a strawberry daiquiri was requested.

Shouts of ‘What are ya, a poof or somethin’?’ were quickly followed by fists and swinging billiard cues.

Witness Gary Smith told us ‘Yeah, it was a massive blue.  The place got smashed up proper.   But I did find $25 worth of scratchy tickets that someone dropped on the floor.’