After slowly getting over the financial crisis, the Bush presidency and A Good Day to Die Hard, the rest of the planet is now alarmed at recent spying allegations.

“Just when non-Americans were starting to like the USA again, the NSA goes and spoils it all” said Ban Ki-moon, UN Secretary-General.

“But to be fair,” he continued “America has contributed many, many positive things globally, like modern representative democracy, mastering electricity, saving us from fascism and then communism; inventions like barbed wire, the dishwasher, the escalator, hair spray, paintball and the remote control.”

“And let’s not forget spreading mass consumerism, the cult of celebrity and Steven Seagal.”