Woman cooking

Men across the western world are noticing an alarming new trend.  In carefully constructed schemes, their female partners intentionally sabotage dinner to escape the kitchen.

One such ruse goes like this.  The female agrees to prepare the meal and commences the chopping.  Next, the onions are put on to fry but are casually left to burn, attracting her man’s attention.

He enters the kitchen where he’s met by faux sobbing and disconcertion.  ‘I’m soooo useless’ she says.  Beware, this is the trap.   Heroically the modern man leaps in.  ‘Take a seat love.   I’ve got this tonight.’

The female then reclines on the sofa with iPad in hand, Facebook  loading.  A wide grin graces her otherwise passive face as a sweet victory is achieved.

Gender Relations expert Brendan Lewis explains: ‘This is a natural reaction to the role that wives were expected to play when we had black and white television.   Times have changed of course and personally, I’m happy to cook anyway.   Fetch me a beer and let’s call it even.’

The President of the Melbourne Women’s Group could not be contacted as she was busy picking up her kids from creche, while her husband was out playing golf with the boys.

The state government has opened a hotline for victims, which also offers quick and easy recipes.