Liverpool Football Club’s star striker sensationally claims that the archangel appeared to him in the driveway of his family home last Tuesday night.
‘It was amazing;’ said Luis ‘many bright lights flashed in the sky above me. I was scared at first and moved away, almost tripping over my fanta-orange Lamborghini Gallardo. But the angel spoke to me softly and his kind words, full of love and hope brought tears to my eyes.’
The Angel of Revelation said ‘Luis don’t be afraid, I won’t bite. During these past two years you have suffered, yet much suffering you have caused. Score 40 goals for the Reds this season, win them a place in the Champions League and avoid another almighty media cock-up. Do all these things and true redemption will be yours. Scouser love will fall upon you to levels not seen since the days of Fernando Torres, when he could still turn at pace and before he was a sulky princess.’
‘Nor shall you act surprised when the Paps follow you day and night, for your sins are tabloid-worthy.’
‘Oh by the way, Bill Shankley says hello’.
Other sources have since confirmed however, that paparazzi were camping out in front of Mr Suarez’s home that night.
Luis is reportedly mocking up a special t-shirt with the angel’s face to celebrate his next goal in the Premier League.