You have seen it in your own workplace, the unstoppable march of the jargon jockey somehow bamboozling their way up the ladder with their meaningless bollocks, and if you haven’t, then it’s probably you.

Fill in our simple quiz to find out if you are a normal, possibly functioning, probably hung-over member of your workforce or a dead-eyed automaton armed with nothing but meaningless platitudes and worthy only of cold loathing from those who have to listen to your endless babble.

Fake News Office Test:

  1. Does the following sentence have any meaning?

“Going forward we need to engage our focus 110% on new business and ride the paradigm shift, we’re going to experience a lot of push back so we need to take it to the next level internally, reach out externally and squeeze our SLAs.”

a). “No, it’s complete bollocks”

b). “I see some synergies between our organisations that we should exploit”

How did you do?

Mostly a’s – Well done.  Chances are you’re not a glass eyed psycho. You can probably talk about sport, TV, relationships, even business and have never uttered the words “fast-track the facilitation of a re-engagement” when talking about going to the local for a swifty.

You understand that the only people who truly think out of the box are psychopaths; Buffalo Bill made himself a woman suit… out of real women,  that is not “in the box” thinking.

You know that if, during a meeting, anyone ever says “hmmm let’s put that in the fridge and snack on it later” and they’re not talking about the few curly, left over sandwiches from your half-finished Pret platter, then they should be burned at the stake.

Mostly b’s – You’re a cunt