President Putin insists that the brutal public whipping of Pussy Riot has nothing to do with their opposition to government.
“Bright pink balaclavas worn over tattered floral-prints with blue woollen stockings and hike boots? This is unacceptable.”
“And these gay men who wear tight v-necks that highlight their taught, muscular torsos. It’s enough to make me horny.”
“I meant angry.”
In Sochi, Australian athletes have been warned to be mindful of personal attire when not competing. Agents of the fashion police are everywhere.
Yet Putin’s tough sartorial stance is finding support here too in Australia.
Editor of Vogue Australia Vanessa Adams believes it’s time that Canberra follows suit.
“The constant media pressure to be slim, beautiful and well-dressed is clearly failing. Look at how many poorly dressed fatties there are in this country. The government needs to act.”
“Perhaps they can be sent away to some sort of government-sponsored camp like in the Russia of old? It would be for their own good.”