FIFA, the global bung-taking powerhouse and Football’s world governing body, predicts this year’s winner will be strongly predictable.
“It’s going to be brilliant” FIFA President Sepp Blatter says “Russia will win 2-0 in the Final. Both goals will come from strange penalty decisions, which many will argue about.”
“But how will Russia get to the Final? Who will they beat on the road to Rio? Tune in and find out.”
Accusations of bribery have again resurfaced but Sepp Blatter is having none of it.
“Normally money talks and FIFA loves to listen. But in this case I am willing to testify that his Excellency President Putin didn’t offer us a single dollar or Scandinavian hooker.”
“Vladimir smiled at me and said: ‘I’ll let you live little man’.”
“He is just so persuasive.”
However Blatter insists that FIFA is now a clean, corruption-free organisation.
“Back in the old days we used to joke that being a FIFA Executive Member was like being a Gangsta Rapper: both earn fat stacks of cash.”
“But now with blanket tax exemptions provided by the tournament host nation, we’ll get our pound of flesh back from the Russian taxpayer.”
“In the end, the winner is Football.”